The horror... the horror...

That's total cause for opening up and using the emergency windows on the bus.

Sir: Until I read this piece a couple of days ago I do NOT recall ever saying, "merp". That pleases me, given the nature of the conversation related after your bus trip. I have a couple of concerns.
The first is that you made an allusion to a sound emanating from their mouths akin to what might have come from Kermit or Ernie. As a namesake of the latter, I have been troubled by that. Most Ernie's I know are very frank about this. They would never say "merp."

The second concern is that from an Ernie you might be more likely to hear a sound akin to a bovine air movement and sudden discharge of methane gas into the already polluted atmosphere.

So, don't go using names like you have in such a Cavalier manner, eh buddy!

Thank you. That was strangely therapeutic.