Today: Jenny's story

I was about five years old when I first tried it. It was a Wig-Wag, I think. One of those things with the braided caramel all covered with the milk chocolate. Maybe it was a Marathon. I don't know.

Actually, it was a Marathon. Know how I remember? Because of the guy with the poncho. I'm pretty sure he called himself the Marathon Man.

He told me I wouldn't be able to eat it fast, but I didn't believe him. When you're five, you think you can eat anything fast.

Oh, man. If only I'd just said "no." My life would have been so different.

How? Well, I wouldn't be here talking to you, for one thing. And I wouldn't be so cold. And I wouldn't feel like I've got nougat crawling around under my damn skin. And I wouldn't have to put up with stupid questions from do-gooders like you! Why can't you just leave me alone?

I'm sorry. Sometimes it still gets to me. Even after all these years.

You know what was the best thing about it? The first bite.

What do you mean, a little more punch? Oh. Yeah, okay.

You know what was the best thing about it? The Allman Brothers. The Marathon Man was way into them. Especially "Ramblin' Man." He used to ask me if I thought he should change his name to The Ramblin' Man, but I always told him no. Because he would have had to change the wrappers and everything, right? And that would have been totally expensive.