Back to the classroom
How to choose a school that's right for your child. By Bret Dawson, education reporter.
 Before we get into any of this poo-poo feely stuff, ask yourself a couple of hard questions.
a) Why did you have children anyway?
b) What are their favourite colours?
c) Which do your children prefer: gnocchi or soup?
d) Do your children have incorrect posture?
e) How incorrect, exactly?
f) What with the panic over peanut allergies and everything, do you still feed your children?
Once you've answered all of these as fully and truthfully as you can, take a look at the answer key below.
a) Because I was aroused, and so was my partner, and we became intimate.
b) Blue. Duh.
c) See above.
d) Yes.
e) A lot.
f) There are two correct answers for this question. Either is acceptable:
- No, because food is dangerous;
- Yes, because food is tasty.
Give yourself two points for each correct answer.
8-12 points: You should send your child to school, because school is cool!
4-7 points: You should not send your child to school, because of all the germs.
0-3 points: You win!
| 
Poetry policy
