Horoscopes that really work
Bret Dawson forecasts the future.
 I am about to ask you The Question. You may answer it silently, and you may keep your answer to yourself. But answer you must.
Ready?
Here goes.
Which of the following goes best with a nice chianti and some fava beans?
a) Fish.
b) Fowl.
c) Both fish and fowl. Like bouillabaisse, only with added goose.
d) Offal.
Next, as you read your horoscope, remember which letter you chose. Go!
Capricorn
a) Go swimming.
b) Go to a farm.
c) Go swimming at a farm.
d) Drink plenty of fluids.
Virgo
a) Wear boxers.
b) Wear briefs.
c) I don't care what you wear, but you can't go bare.
d) Underpants are gay.
Stanfield's
a) Be less uppity.
b) Meddle in the affairs of others.
c) Pepper your speech with interjections like "yo!"
d) Fondle the fruit, but don't touch the greens.
Gemini
a) You are Tony, I am Oscar.
b) You are Daytime Emmy, I am Nighttime Emmy.
c) You are Grammy, I am KISS. Before "Beth."
d) You are stench, I am Febreeze™.
Leo
a) You look like a big, scary lion.
b) You look like a meek lion.
c) But your teeth are still sharp, so no-one notices.
d) Underpants are gay.
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