Today's greengrocer (or, as he is called in the colonies, "supermarketeer") runs a much more sophisticated operation than his predecessors did. There are several reasons for this:

1. Condiments have become more complicated. For example, both "mayonnaise" and "Alfredo sauce" are whitish and come in jars, but only "mayonnaise" is used in bundt cake recipes for added richness.

2. Pudding may be "in the mix" or "on the side" or "in a cloud." Accounting for the resultant permutations requires the assistance of an empowered, change-enabled consulting firm.

3. Greengrocers are no longer permitted to clean their own floors, but must instead out-source this task to dedicated sweeperies.

4. Dried "marrowfat" peas are now available with or without mint tablets, which often proves confusing for today's busy shoppers.

5. Also, mint flavourings are widely used in such confectionery items as "Spearmint," "Doublemint," "Listermint," "Junior Mint," etc. These may cause illness in those with sensitivity to perfumes, thereby exposing greengrocers to torts.

6. If today's busy shoppers don't have time to prepare the fresh nutritious meals their bodies want, they should eat potato chips instead. These are crisp and satisfying, and may be served hot or cold.

7. Small, home-based, craft mayonnaiseries produce top-quality condiments in small batches, just like Grandma used to. However, many of these firms label their jars with unbleached brown paper.

8. Ever spent an afternoon handling brown paper?

9. That'll chap up your hands in no time, let me tell you.