It started quietly: a gentle, airy sound, halfway between a sigh and a whistle. A puff, a hiss, a surprising warmth. Nothing more than that.

Or so I thought. But the whistling grew louder, the puff became a full-force wind, and the surprising warmth grew warmer still.

And then the flapping started. One of those unpleasant balloon-flying-around-the-room things. You know, the kind that go "pppllplllbbpt pppllplllbbpt pppllplllbbptpppllplllbbpt." Also, it smelled of trebly-fermented malt and rotting salmon.

God, was it ever going to end? "Pppllplllbbpt pppllplllbbpt pppllplllbbptpppllplllbbpt. Pppllplllbbpt. Pffffft..."

"Golly," said Ahmed, strongsmell.com's VP Finance and Business Development, "did you tear your ass with that one?"

"No," I replied. "But you may be onto something. Richard, get Research to send me a copy of the latest Forrester has on this. Pronto!"