Dear citizens of the future:

Hello. How's it going? Well, we trust. Do you still eat breakfast in the future? If so, we hope you had a good one.

Now, on to the matter at hand.

This correspondence is no mere archaeological curiosity. Neither is it a quaint relic, suitable only for illuminating the follies and obsessions of an age long past.

Rather, it is an impassioned plea from one age to another, a note in a bottle tossed into the ocean of time in the hope that those who find it will take its messages to heart.

Here are those messages. If it is now the future as you read this, you will take them to heart, won't you?

1. Please stop wearing silver jumpsuits.

2. Does your house hover in the air for any good reason or are you people just showing off?

3. Velcro, velcro, velcro. It wouldn't hurt you to wear shoes with laces once in a while, you know.

4. Your robot maid doesn't really need that black dress and white apron, does it?

5. Once a week, give the transporter a rest and your legs a workout. Your heart will love you for it.

6. Ever tried lighting the leaves of Nicotiniana tabacum on fire and inhaling the smoke? Try it, you'll like it! Then show your friends!

7. Ray guns do not kill people, people kill people. Unless the ray guns are set to "auto-zap," in which case they do kill people. You will probably figure this out with a little practice.

8. Siskel was the skinny one, Ebert was the unskinny one. They are both dead.

9. Vegetarianism is not all it's cracked up to be. Eat more meat.

10. So what if we had goofy facial hair and poor hygiene? We cannot hear your taunts now, future-dwellers!