SASKATOON -- People in Saskatchewan often drive motor vehicles without hubcaps.

Their province has a rich and proud tradition of social democracy -- it was the birthplace of universal public healthcare -- and the display of such baubly trinkets as lace-up shoes and hubcaps is widely derided as bourgeois frippery.

Also, the roads are bumpy, which doesn't do any favours for those few proudly defiant hubcaps that do occasionally take to the streets.

Now, on to your questions.

Q: Do farmers in Saskatchewan have aching backs and calloused hands on account of all the scything?

A: Yes.

Q: Do people in Saskatchewan have access to such modern conveniences as soap, indoor plumbing, microwave ovens, TMN The Movie Network, and hulford.com?

A: No.

Q: How many people live in Saskatchewan?

A: A lot more than you'd think. What are you getting at, anyway?

Q: Nothing. I was just curious is all.

A: Oh, sure. And why are you so curious about this particular issue? You trying to make a point? Trying to say something?

Q: Well...

A: Out with it! Just say what you have to say and then you can quit wasting my time and let me get on with my day!

Q: I love you.

A: --

Q: With all my heart. I've wanted you for years, watching from a distance as others drifted in and out of your life. None of them ever loved you like I love you. None of them. There, I've said it.

A: --

Q: --

A: Would you like a lozenge?