strongsmell.com: Got any gum?

Chris Norton: Why, yes I do. Would you prefer Big Red, Doublemint, or Juicy Fruit?

smell: Gee. I hate to be all picky, but you don't have anything sugarless, do you?

CN: Sugarless gum? As in with aspartame?

smell: Yeah. Four out of five dentists and all that.

CN: You really shouldn't eat aspartame, you know. It'll give you trouble with your health and strain your friendships. For example, it causes itching, discomfort, vague feelings of malaise, and awkward conversations.

smell: I'm not sure I follow you. I've been chewing sugarless gum for years without any trouble at all.

CN: What kind?

smell: Peppermint, mostly.

CN: They make peppermint in sugarless?

smell: Although I really like wintergreen better. It's got a kind of bitter edge that you tend not to find in peppermint unless you shell out for the really expensive stuff which I rarely do.

CN: So you get the point, then. Those sugarless types are always taking perfectly good flavours and making mockeries of them. The good Lord gives them the gracious gift of a beautiful, delicate, fragrant herb, and what do they do with it? They pump it full of frickin' toxins that leave a metallic aftertaste in your mouth!

smell: Did you know that oil of wintergreen doesn't actually come from the wintergreen plant? It's a volatile ester of salicylic acid.

CN: Bunch of frickin' clowns! Clowns, I tell you!

smell: It totally tastes like all naturally minty, though. You can't tell the difference at all.

CN: Clowns!

smell: --