Hello and welcome back. We have missed you. First, an update on your condition:

You are unhappy with us. You are weeping bitter tears. You are gnashing your teeth and rending your garments.

This is unfortunate, but we have made our peace with it. Care to know why?

Well, we'll tell you.

You see, our long and unpleasant silence is all Ahmed's fault. As our VP Finance and Business Development, Ahmed is responsible for opening the mail, feeding the piranhas and maintaining healthy relationships with our many e-commerce and content partners. But Ahmed is a dolt and a laggard, and he prefers an afternoon spent swilling gin to one spent nurturing healthy relationships with e-commerce and content partners.

He also likes to bake shortbread, which is distracting in the extreme on account of the vapours.

Anyway.

A little public shame has done a world of good for Ahmed, who is learning under threat of demotion that it is quite possible to balance a gin-swilling lifestyle with the responsibilities attendant in a Vice-Presidency of Finance and Business Development.

What does this mean for you, the members of the strongsmell.com community? Why, it means free shortbread and gin, mailed directly to your own personal postal address!

It also means a world of fresh Top Quality Content. Here's a peek at what's coming up:

1. A large, impressive re-launch, complete with balloon and dancing girls.

2. A list of things you should know about the noble gases.

3. Actual unretouched dirty pictures of prominent citizens.

4. Part II of our series of celebrity profiles, including feature interviews with Brooke Shields, Thomas Pynchon, Chris Norton, Anonymous, and Cher.

5. A list of things you should know about the halogens.

6. Did we mention the re-launch?

7. More Interjection Updates.

8. You know what's coming next, don't you?

9. Yes, you do.

10. Swiss Christmas!