The substance-abuse survivor, great statesman, and all-round boss of Earth slows down and sits down to talk about macroeconomics, foreign policy, nucular weapons, and his close relationship with the Lord.

strongsmell.com: Please stop that.

George W. Bush: Okay.

smell: Really?

GWB: No.

smell: ...

GWB: I'm just fooling with you.

smell: Ah.

GWB: You know how you're always reading that I am charming and make friends easily? That's how I do it.

smell: Do you like to slap people on the back too?

GWB: Very much.

smell: Thought so.

GWB: And high fives. Those are the best!

smell: Do you find people like it when you slap them on the back and give them high fives?

GWB: Well, yes, obviously. How else would you explain my feverish popularity?

smell: You weave a very tight argument, I must admit.

GWB: Yep.

smell: What else do you like to do?

GWB: Golfing, of course. And the football. Sunday afternoons are my time! Woo!

smell: Do you often entertain at the White House?

GWB: No offence, mister, but duh. I'm the total life of the party!

smell: ...

GWB: I can make these wicked hats out of newspaper, really fast. I bet I could make 30 of them in less than two minutes. And I always have stickers to put on them and everybody loves that.

smell: Maybe I should re-phrase the question. Not are you entertaining?, but do you often have guests?

GWB: What counts as "often"?

smell: More than once a week, for example.

GWB: Probably. Thing is, one day kind of just blends into the next and it's all so tough to keep track. I have a very busy schedule, you know.

smell: Of course.

GWB: Like, there's this guy who follows me around and it's totally his job just to tell me what to do next.

smell: Ah.

GWB: You ever watch that show on TV with the old fart who looks like Emilio Estevez?

smell: Uh...

GWB: That guy's house looks so much like the White House it's creepy.

smell: ...

GWB: He has a guy who follows him around and tells him what to do next too.

smell: Haunting.

GWB: You're telling me.

smell: ...

GWB: Do you think they made that show just to relate to me?

smell: ...

GWB: That would be really nice of them if they did.