Bret Dawson reports on a clear and present danger.

Have you heard about the grave threat facing us and our civilization? Of course you have.

It is a vile and ominous threat. It frightens even the most stoic. It raises gooseflesh in hot weather.

It raises gooseflesh in cold weather too but there the effect is less obvious, on account of the natural goosing effect of the chill.

"Goosing," as you may recall, is a childish euphemism for "poking another person in the rear end." Please note that in the preceding definition the word "poking" is not a euphemism for anything and merely means "touching firmly with a single outstretched finger." Sometimes goosing can be painful indeed. For example:

One day a man from Canada named Ahmed decided to travel to the USA. He was interested in professional sporting events but the professional sports club he supported also drew the support of many thousands of other people, so he could never find an affordable ticket to see the professional sports club in person. He usually settled for watching it on TV.

But on this day Ahmed and his friends were going to a real live professional sports event. They were motoring to the USA, where the club they supported was scheduled to play a match. The USA club, which was hosting the popular Canada club, was not nearly so popular itself, so tickets to the match were still available.

Ahmed and his friends were very happy as they motored south.

Then they got to the Canada-USA boundary, where they became unhappy indeed. They became unhappy because when the USA boundary police learned Ahmed the man from Canada was named Ahmed they made him go sit in a small room all by himself and then take off his trousers and then submit to repeated goosings and not just on the cheeks but totally bullseye if you get the picture.

The lesson here is that if you are prepared to spend eight hours motoring to watch professional sports, you are dumb.