The young pup who smoothed the way for Gerald Ford's triumphant presidency talks about war, war, war, war, and then for a change talks about war.

strongsmell.com: Fuck you.

Donald Rumsfeld: Oeuf.

smell: That's French for "egg."

DR: Really?

smell: Mmm-hmm.

DR: I don't speak French.

smell: Figured.

DR: French is the language of those opposed to freedom and honour.

smell: How so?

DR: Well, for one thing the French totally failed to bring Diana's killers to justice.

smell: ...

DR: And also they think the world is some kind of personal sandbox and they can just go kicking sand in the face of whomever they please and nobody can stop them because they're too big and too strong and too bloody-minded to be dissuaded.

smell: No, that's not the French. That's you.

DR: Right. Sorry. I always get those mixed up.

smell: It's the phenylalanine, isn't it?

DR: I beg your pardon?

smell: The phenylalanine. From the aspartame.

DR: What the devil are you talking about?

smell: Assface, do you not remember a thing? As. Par. Tame. Chemical sweetener. Found in carbohydrate-reduced beverages. Marketed under the name "NutraSweet" during the 1980s.

DR: ...

smell: NutraSweet was a Searle product.

DR: Sorry, I'm just not following you.

smell: You were the boss of Searle in the 1980s.

DR: Really?

smell: Yup.

DR: Oh.

smell: ...

DR: So what else did I do?

smell: Not totally sure if it was you, but I think you look hot in vinyl.

DR: ...

smell: Rowr!

DR: (coughs)

smell: ...

DR: ...

smell: (sly grin)

DR: If you'll excuse me I have a craps practice to get to.

smell: You practice that?

DR: Of course.

smell: Why not just let nature take its course?

DR: ...

smell: ...

DR: Leave me alone.