The titans of our time go head-to-head. Only one will emerge victorious.
| J. |
G. |
| Affectionate short version of male given name "Jeremiah." |
Amusing hybrid short-form given name: sounds like "Jerry," looks like "Gary." |
| Popular among mulleted comedians, muscular dystrophiles. |
Popular among Geralds, soccer broadcasters, R.C. clergy, Gerards. |
| Hmm. I never met a Gerard who took to shortening. |
Oh, they're all over the place. Esp. high-ratio shortening, which, with its remarkable ability to emulsify liquids, makes your cakes extra high and your frostings extra creamy. |
| Also takes to shortening. |
Offers impeccable mouthfeel, shelf stability, satisfying crispness. |
| Given to overconsumption of trans-fatty acids. |
Given to overconsumption of trans-fatty acids. |
| Understands risks of TFA in diet. Has made peace with own actuarial profile. |
Not making peace with anything until the Volunteers give up their weapons. |
| Dude. Relax. |
We shall overcome. |
| Seriously. You're going to pop something. |
Many of our number will fall before the great dream is realized, before freedom reigns supreme o'er our land and our people. No man is above that! |
| ... |
And if I must meet my own end along the way... |
| ... |
So. |
| ... |
Be. |
| ... |
It. |
| ... |
... |
| ... |
Taste my steel! |
| ... |
... |
| Pie? |
Pie. |
| Winner: "Jerry," on account of its detachment from the films of A. MacDowell. |
|
