The titans of our time go head-to-head. Only one will emerge victorious.

Today:
Whey
v.
Chaff

W C Famous as mid-morning snack (along w/curds) for tuffet-sitters. Famous as the part of the grain nobody loves. Runny liquid by-product of manufacture of cheese. Fibrous, husky by-product of manufacture of staple starches. Growing a field of wheat is nobler and more natural than the word "manufacture" suggests, don't you think? Oh, you flatterer! I could say the same thing about the art of cheesemaking. Thank you! No, thank you! Don't mention it. Don't mention it. Driven to extreme politeness by deep-seated insecurity over third-fiddle status in dairy world. Is polite because rudeness is vulgar & unnecessary. Is at peace with own role in agribusiness. Powdered form is essential to production of "process" cheese. Mostly just stays out of the way. No whey = no Kraft Dinner. Kraft Dinner requires chaff's removal. No whey = no Velveeta. Delicious full-fat Camembert requires whey's removal. Ouch. Occasionally prickly. As foodstuff, appears not to provide best possible start to day: witness childish scared-off-by-spider behaviour of most famous celebrity endorser. Has no celebrity endorsers because nobody loves it. Up yours. Boo hoo. Winner: Whey, because it is making an effort to upgrade its skills and keep pace with change in the twenty-first century.

Next on All Star Face Off: Detergent v. The War On Terrorism.