| M.S.G. |
I. |
| Widely lauded for adding delicious meaty edge to delicious meaty foods. |
Widely lauded for innovative cookery w/ lamb, dried lime, pomegranate. |
| Causes wicked neat hallucinations if consumed in appropriate quantities. |
Has long crafty history of carpets w/ trippy patterns, ability to fly. |
| Causes sensation of brothy richness on tongue. |
Thinks women should not go out in public unless they are wearing hats. |
| "Sensation of brothy richness" really does not do aforementioned phenomenon justice. Is full-on taste, just like sweet/sour/salty/bitter are tastes. |
Is really quite stern re: aforementioned hats. Thinks hair poking out from underneath is path to wantonness, social breakdown. |
| Widely blamed for post-Chinese-meal headaches. |
Widely blamed for post-interrogation comas, skull fractures, deaths. |
| Totally not used at neighbourhood "Manchu Wok" and "Ho Lee Chow" outlets, on account of aforementioned headachery. |
Reconsidering long-established beat-photographers-to-death policy, on account of bad reviews in international press. |
| Deserves a break, frankly. Is tasty and mostly harmless. |
Is going to take the fifth at this point. |
| Seaweed. |
Pistachios. |
| "Asia." |
"Persia." |
| That almost rhymes. |
Rhyming leads to music leads to frolic leads to sexual intercourse, so shut up. |
| The Japanese call the taste "umami." |
No, your mama. |
| Gee whiz, who put that bee in your bonnet? |
It is not a bonnet. |
| It totally is, you know. |
... |
| Bonnet bonnet bonnet. |
... |
| ... |
... |
| ... |
Your mama. |
| Winner: Monosodium Glutamate, on account of its ambrosially mouth-gratifying unctiousness. |
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