Were you there when pop singer Britney Spears first met Kevin Federline, the man who is now her husband? No you were not. Bret Dawson was. He files this verbatim report.
Britney Spears (in pirate voice): Arrrr, ye grimy slut! Come over here and do me!
Kevin Federline: Who, me?
B.S.: Aye!
K.F.: Sweeeeeet.
B.S.: Aye!
K.F.: (stares lustily)
B.S.: (stares lustily)
K.F.: OK, put your left leg up here and your right leg over here.
B.S.: I can't. I'm saving my maidenhood for marriage.
K.F.: Your what?
B.S.: My virtue. My flower.
K.F.: Oh.
B.S.: The special gift I have to give to my husband and my husband alone.
K.F.: OK, I understand.
B.S.: My cherry.
K.F.: Right.
B.S.: ...
K.F.: ...
B.S.: I'm, like, SO horny.
K.F.: Are you proposing to me?
B.S.: Maybe. How girthy are you?
K.F.: Super a lot of girthy.
B.S.: OK then.
K.F.: OK.
